In our journeys as artists, we will interact with both bullies and true leaders. We will also have the opportunity to play these roles ourselves. What is the difference between the two? How can we move forward with our goals while motivating and inspiring others rather than pushing them around? Here are some suggestions:
Set Goals
Leaders make the goal clear and work towards results. Communicate your idea of what needs to be done, and why. It is ok to have a plan, and most will understand your desire to fulfill it. Bullies are about power, regardless of goals, and often put the “pecking order” ahead of the larger objective. Making a great recording or playing a successful gig is a clear and positive goal. Nobody thinks a composer is a bully or control freak for writing out the parts of a piece.
Be Clear
I have worked in bands run by bullies, and in every case, they were vague and even deliberately evasive about what they wanted. If everybody understands what needs to be done, it is usually not necessary to belittle anyone. Making people try to guess what you want is a great way to make them feel uncomfortable. This only helps the bully, who prefers the power this situation creates.
Find Mutual Benefits
Sometimes this means you get your results and they get paid, or you both achieve something you wanted. Think of it as a transaction where the books need to balance. Find a way to share the win; there is usually a way that everybody gets ahead, and this is the path you need to find. Keep in mind that money is usually not enough for anyone to surrender their dignity; unless there is some kind of satisfaction, most people will quit working for a bully regardless of pay. (I know I have)
Keep an Open Mind
Listen and don’t dismiss: competent people will often bring good ideas forward in a sincere effort to help. Shutting them off before they can express these will build resentment. Even better, solicit the input of your trusted collaborators. I still cringe at the memory of being overly controlling as a young bandleader. This benefits no one.
Choose Your Battles
Sometimes there are situations where the details get in the way of the big picture. Sometimes giving in on small things is the best thing to do; forcibly maintaining authority on trivial items makes you look like a tyrant. Let people be themselves.
Set an Example
Working hard and achieving your goals will inspire others; it is ok to delegate as long as you don’t appear to be “using” people to avoid your own responsibilities. Nobody wants to work for a lazy tyrant.
Share the Victory
One of the worst things bullies do is to claim credit for things that others have done or that they played a part in. This smacks of narcissism. Without being “fake” and falsely praising, (everybody can tell this is an act) give others the credit they deserve. Be as willing to promote your collaborators as you are to promote yourself.
Be Decisive
Once all the information is in, make up your mind and move forward. Don’t invite endless debate once all the viewpoints have been heard. Nobody will benefit if you never get going due to indecision; in these cases, any direction is forward.
Choose Good People
All it takes to derail everything is to have somebody in the group that isn’t interested in the larger goal; leaders will keep bullies from ruining the experience for everyone by causing resentment and chaos. Sometimes the best decision is to get certain people out of the situation.
It’s Not About You
Even if you are working on your own project, it is the goal, not your ego that is the objective. As soon as it becomes clear that being on top is your intent, you will lose the support of others. Nobody wants to be used to glorify another’s ego.
Questions:
Have you ever worked for or with a bully?
Have you inadvertently used any bullying tactics on your fellow musicians?
How can you achieve your goals without manipulating others?
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